Twelve Lessons from our Twelve Years of Marriage

Being married for twelve years is not an easy feat, specially in today's world. I am proud that we surpassed all the shortcomings of the last twelve years. Twelve years ago we only have each other to hold on to, but now we have our son, and soon our daughter to see us through each day. Everyday is a chance to learn something in a marriage. I am glad to share twelve lessons we learned from our twelve year of being married.

1. The reason for marriage should always be because you cannot live without the other person. I always advise would-be-couples to ask themselves why they want to jump into marriage. Mostly, I hear the same response; "I love him/her.", seldom do I hear " I want to spend the rest of my life with him". Young lovers nowadays always equate marriage to love ALONE. But what if the love is gone? The Philippines does not have a divorce law, so they either go to the tedious and super-expensive annulment process or live a broken family. Love is not just a noun, it is a verb that needs to be acted on. It is a decision that needs to be done daily.

2. A marriage is the union of two very good forgivers. Early in our marriage, Hubby calls me a historian. Why? because I always bring back past misunderstandings when we argue on a new one. It was a good thing that Hubby is such a good forgiver and I learned to be like him over time.

3. You cannot always win in an argument. I have always been the hardheaded girl but soon in our marriage, I learned that there is just no way that you can always be the winner. Sometimes, you have to give in to your partner.

4. The person that you married will mature and so are you. But this does not mean that you can no longer be a child at heart. Both Hubby and I still enjoys the arcade, the occasional kiddie games with our son and even the carnivals. But there will come a time that you will see it in your partner's face that they had gone old, perhaps balding or with a few wrinkles here and there. Aging is a natural process, you just have to accept it and be happy with it because others are not given the ability to grow old because they die young.

5. You have to choose to love your spouse everyday even when in days that they are not lovable. Admit it or not, there are days that a person does not seem to be lovable. Talk about PMSing women or lying men. But again, love is a choice that needs to be made everyday. We have to choose to love them as they are, even at their most unlovable state.

6. Never underestimate the power of a hug. At the start of our marriage, Hubby is not the type who woo whenever we had an argument. But he learned that a hug can do wonders. Sometimes, I don't have to win an argument,all I need is just a hug and I will eventually give in to his desires.

7. Kids are always a happy addition to a marriage. A positive pregnancy test came in early in our marriage. We were both worried then but we were also extremely happy as we were not expecting a child to be added in our marriage this early. I know some married couple who does not want a child early on in their lives. Isn't procreation one of the purpose of marriage? A child will not only make your union happy but believe me, it will also strengthen your bond as you will get to see how your spouse will transform into someone you might not expect him to become.

8. For the wives: Sometimes, you will have to spoil your partner. Yeah, ladies, we have to be the spoiler sometimes and not the one always being spoiled. Men are easy to please, a back massage, a foot rub or just good old home cooked meals are enough to make them smile.

9. For the husbands: Never forget important dates. And with dates I mean, birthdays, anniversaries and special holidays that has to be remembered. We do not need grandiose gifts, just knowing that you remember those dates are more than enough to make us happy. A simple SMS, a call or perhaps an early morning greeting on that day will make it extra special for us.

10. Spend sometime alone. Sometimes, all you need to bring the romance back is a time alone with your spouse. You don't have to go to some fancy place, you just have to be together, just the two of you. Admittedly, for couples with chidren, we always look at our spouses as the better half of the parenting process and not as the person we exchanged vows with when we got married. A movie date, a dinner or just a walk on the park with your spouse alone will definitely spark the romance back to your union.

11. Compliment each other often.. Okay, this does not mean that you have to lie to your spouse. It's more on looking for something good in them and complimenting them even for the slightest good in them. This does not only make your spouse happy but it also makes you see the good in them, no matter how small they may seem.

12. Lastly, never forget to be sexually intimate with each other. This is a usual mistake of the wives. Early on in the marriage, we are so into each other but then time flies and we get too preoccupied with all the hullabaloos of the day-to-day lives that we forget intimacy with our spouses. Or perhaps the wives are too shy to start on being intimate. Just a tip though ladies, just dress the part and your husbands will definitely pick it up from there.

Our marriage is not something that merits a trophy or an award but we are taking it one day at a time. We do have our times of disagreements, times when we would want to call it quits but again at the end of the day, keeping a marriage in tact is a choice that we make daily.

Dada, Happy 12th wedding anniversary and here's to twelve dozens more of years together!

Trick or Treat for the Young Once

Admit it or not, all kids are into sweets. Chocolates, lollippops, bubble gums, candies, cupcakes and every thing that's sweet, give it to them and they will surely devour it in no time at all. When my kid was smaller, we dreaded Halloween. Not because we are afraid of ghosts or the supernaturals, but because the kid had recurring bouts of tonsillitis (which led us to decide to have him undergo Tonsillectomy last April 2010). So my kid never really enjoyed "Trick or Treats". This year was different though. Hubby was appointed as one of the officers of our subdivision and we cannot resist joining in the fun.

We invited my husband's nieces to join the party, and they came in costume,too. That's my kid as Dracula, the one in the middle is a Pink Fairy and the other niece is a Kikay Witch!

It was actually a family affair for us.  We all get to dress up (in my case, have some make-up) our part.

Since we are not at home, we decided to just bring in the treats on the place of the event. And boy, did they really love the Halloween cuppies. 

 This is one of my favorite picture of the night!

It was a blast! Seeing neighborhood kids in costume and the moms too.

Needless to say, we had fun but I still wish we could pass on some real Filipino Halloween traditions to our kids.  Sad to say, that no one in the neigborhood knows what "Pangangaluluwa" is all about.

And now, we are looking forward to the Homeowners' Christmas Ball!

My Lucky Charm

The year of the Black Water Dragon arrived last 23rd of January. The whole Chinese community was very busy decorating their areas and ensuring that their traditions are still being followed to a T. The Philippines, being a country that has Chinese as the biggest minority group, was not spared with all the happenings. What better way to show it than declaring that day as a special non-working holiday. The malls are ablaze with red lanterns and whenever you turn your head you will surely see someone wearing red. The Chinese not only believed that the color red signifies luck for the coming year, they also say that red drives away bad vibes and evil spirits. My kid was really excited when he saw this huge tree inside SM City Fairview with hanging Ang Paos. He thought that anyone who was at the mall is given the chance to pick one from the tree and take with it whatever was inside. I explained to him that it was just for display and pictorial purposes. When he heard it, he gamely posed in front of the huge tree and ask me to take his picture.

huge tree full of Ang Pao

Japanese not Chinese!

praying for a sibling, eh?

my very own Buddha, my lucky charm

He also asked us to pose for the camera as well.

Feng Shui experts say that this is an auspicious year, since a dragon is synonymous to prosperity.  I claim that this year is going to be filled with more blessings not just for my family but for the entire country,not because I was boen in the year of the dragon but because I believe that every year is God’s year.

Back to Normal

The fifth of January is mostly back to normal schedule for most of the moms. Our kids are now back to school and we are either left to tend to household chores or are back to work as well. My household is not yet through with the holiday buzz. This day is the 37th wedding anniversary of my mom and dad. If Mama was alive, the house could be filled with visitors once again. But since Mama is no longer around, a simple prayer will do. We will just light a candle for her and ask her to still guide us through this new year. The kitchen is still going to be bursting with the aroma of good food. I plan to cook something special for the family dinner. I will also bake something since tomorrow is my uncle's 63rd birthday and I promise to deliver some desserts for the party. Perhaps some cupcakes would be good especially if they will be frosted. Soon, I will have plenty of time for blogging as this year marks my return to being a work-at-home mom.

Cooking Up a Party

Yes, I was born during the time where acronyms seems to be a phenomenon. Back during the 70's (oh, well I believe it was until the 80's), people seem to look at acronyms as the easiest way to remember a name of an organization or even an entire phrase or paragraph. It was so "in" that even teachers were using it to teach kids how to memorize meanings of words or steps in a scientific process. It was because of this fame (or infame), that most of barkadahans during those times have names concocted using the first initials of the members of the group. Ours was different though, we call our group, the Fruit Salad. We thought of baptizing the group that name after thinking that each member is different but just like those fruits in the fruit salad, you tend to look for them when they are not present.

What excites me these days, is that in a few months time, we are going to have our annual get together. We always have one big get-together during Christmastime. As I have mentioned, we have become one big happy family . Now like all families we have our own reunions those times. It is something to look forward to as someone gets to be added in every now and then. A new wife, a new husband and yes a new baby, is always a happy addition. This year, I am entrusted to be the PR manager of sorts for the event. I am tasked to coordinate with the entire group which means I need to send email blasts and text blasts. But, it is something that I won't mind doing.

I am also on the lookout for games and activities for the entire day? Hmm, our own version of the famous Pinoy Henyo,perhaps? For the kids, I am going to prepare a cupcake tower and I am asking one of the ladies to bring in the chocolate fountain. For the male spouses, lots of food to eat (and booze, perhaps!). The girls, oh, I am sure they will be happy with all the stories and the foods and the gifts.

Hello August!

August to the Chinese is their ghost month. They believe that it is on this month that deceased, including their ancestors, visit the world again. To our Muslim brothers, this year they are celebrating this month as their Ramadan, their Holy Month of Fasting. For my family, August is also a very special month. A lot of family members, are celebrating their birthdays this month. It also reminds me about the greatest mystery of my life, that is being a mother. You see, I gave birth to Jian on the 3rd of August, 2002. Yes, the kid is about to turn nine two days from now. He is no longer the little baby that I used to carry and fed from my bosom. He had grown to be the intelligent little guy that he is. August always reminds me that he was inside my womb for nine months. It also reminds me that I exclusively breastfed this little man for almost two years. If there was one thing I could be proud of being a mom, it would not be the times that I have been with him while he was growing up but it would be those breastfeeding sessions that I had had with him. I know that not all mothers can produce enough milk for his growing baby's need and I sure am one of those few who were able to do the job. That is something that I would always look back when he gets old. Nothing beats those bonding moments. So for those upcoming moms reading my words, I do hope you consider to feed your kids with your own milk. I can only assure you two things, a healthy kid and a happy mom. To those who were able to breastfeed their young ones, I salute you. Before I end, I would like to invite you all to come over to Mommy Milkshake Year 5 . It will be a family fun run for breastfeeding. Just click on the thumbnail image below for other details.

3D Movies

Who among you have not enjoyed watching a 3D movie? Movie houses had been packed to the roofs by fans trooping in to Who among you have not enjoyed watching a 3D movie? Movie houses had been packed to the roofs by fans trooping in to watch what was deemed to be the end to two great series of movies, Transformers and Harry Potter. I have very high regards to these two movies specially on the first one. And to be honest, it was really good! A very good ending indeed for a fine series. I hope I will be able to say the same for the other one but I haven't watched it yet. Jian had his monthly mastery exam on the day we were supposed to watch Harry Potter so we have to postpone it for this coming weekend. I was saddened that the Philippines have had our very first 3D movie but we were not able to catch it in theaters. I mean, we were able to watch it but not in 3D. RPG Metanoia was shown last Christmas as part of the Metro Manila Film Festival. I wonder if Star Cinema is not thinking of re-releasing them anytime soon?

Personalized Shirts

It is not everyday that birthdays are celebrated. For someone who is in the pink of health, it is a time to give thanks for the healthy year. For someone who is stricken with a terminal illness, it is a time to give thanks because you get to live another day or year for that matter. My mom's sickness taught us how to be thankful not just for birthdays but for each day we get to wake up alive. When she was sick, there were times that we celebrated birthdays in her hospital room. We would dress up the room and bring in all the food there. We would gladly share the food not just with the hospital's staff, but with other cancer patients as well. Not too long, we would see other families doing they same thing. Some families even exerted great effort making sure they are wearing breast cancer t shirts. It is a great way to show support and empathy to their patients. We were wondering then where they were getting those shirts. Not until recently, while checking out another friends' Facebook profile, I was able to bump into the Facebook page of a design your own shirt company, CafePress.com. The possibilities are endless when you create your own item. It made me think that if mom was still alive, she will be elated to see us wearing personalized shirts on her birthday. It would be nice to capture that moment on pictures, too. However, mom is no longer here. I will have to think of creating personalized shirt for another person, then.

I have been to a lot of Oncology Departments of different hospitals during the times that my mom herself was a cancer patient. She battled Primitive Neuro Ectodermal Tumor, a type of cancer that attacks the bones of the afflicted. She had been in and out those rooms in the UP-PGH Cancer Institute for almost six years. During those years, not only are we able to create good relationships with the hospital's staff and the doctors, but we also manage to make friends with other cancer inflicted patients and their families. I have seen how cancer makes their body weak, but not their souls and the will of these people. There were families that went to visit their patient wearing breast cancer t-shirts. Long before there have been statement shirts, they were already wearing shirts that echoed their support to their cancer stricken patients. We were wondering then where they were getting those shirts. Not until recently, while checking out another friends' Facebook profile, I was able to bump into the facebook page of a design your own shirt company, CafePress.com. The possibilities are endless when you create your own item. My son will be celebrating his birthday in two weeks time and I am thinking of giving him a unique item as a gift, something personalized. I am thinking of either a shirt or perhaps an apron, something that will show support on his love for cooking. I do hope it will get delivered on time. Knowing Hubby, he will surely ask me where I got the item from.

Happy 4th of July

A few years ago, 4th of July was celebrated all throughout the Philippines with a blast. Yes, it was originally celebrated as Independence Day until August 4, 1964 when historians urged that it be changed to June 12, 1898. looking back at our history, some may agree that it was indeed the correct date of our independence. The Spaniards never recognized that we are free from them when our flag was raised in Kawit, Cavite. They even transferred us as their colony to the Americans via the Treaty of Paris. To be honest, my mind has been bugged by our so called Independence even when I was just a kid. During my elementary grades, we were thought about how we won our freedom when the Katipuneros waved our flag to the tune of Marcha Filipina Magdalo (which later became Marcha Nacional Filipina). I was also taught then that July 4th is the Filipino-American Friendship Day. Is the United States really an ally of our country? Oh, this could perhaps launched a debate, but I will leave it up to your opinion. Personally, I have gained some blogging friends over the last week thru an online community called Voiceboks. Most of them are based in the US, so I could personally say that I have allies in the United States! (LOL!) Right now, I will just content myself in greeting Happy 4th of July day to everyone, whatever your opinions maybe. Anyway, everybody deserves a happy day not just on this day but everyday.

Messy Go Round: Messy Mom

Messy Go Round is a meme that is the brainchild of Sweet Keanna. It features kids doing what they are very good at, being messy! LOL!

Hmm, but since it is Mothers' Day today, what if we put mom on center stage. I would like to share with you one incident when mom gets messy.



This was taken during our visit to Hongkong's Ocean Park last year. We were joyfully eating ice cream when Hubby stuck his ice cream on my face. i wonder if the kid is asking himself" So, who is messy now?".

A Different Way of Saying Happy Mother's Day

I was baking those cupcakes when the kid asked me about Mothers' Day and I replied that I need to be at the office on that day. He did not say anything and went back to his drawing board. After about 15 minutes, he went back to me and said that if I could take a leave on Mother's day. To which I answered No, because I have already filed a leave for mommy's death anniversary on the 14th and it will be too late for me to file for a leave for Mother's Day. He went back to with his stuff again and after about 15 more minutes went back to me and said, "Paglaki ko, magpe Presidente ako, tapos oorder ko na ang lahat ng Mommies , walang pasok pag Mother's Day. Bakit kaya di naiisip ng Presidente yun ngayon 'no Mama?". (When I grew up, I will be a President and I will make an order that Mommies dont have to go to work on Mother's Day. Why don't you think the President is not thinking about that?). I was stumped and to be honest I was about to burst into laughter and tears. I told him that the president could be thinking a lot to think about declaring Mother's Day an official holiday for Moms. We were about to sleep and he was kissing me goodnight when he said, "Mama, ayoko na pala maging Presidente, maraming problema yun eh. Mag business na lang tayo para di mo na kelangan pumasok pag Mother's day, tapos lahat ng mga nagtatrabaho sa tin na mommies wala rin pasok pag Mother's Day, pede ba yung ganun Mama?" (Mama, I no longer want to be a President because there are lots of problem that a President is worrying about. Let us just venture into a business so you don't have to go to work on Mother's day, then all those Mommies working on our business also do not have to go to work on Mother's day, would that be possible, Mama?). What an insight from an eight-year old kid! I guess, it is his way of saying that he wants me beside him on Mother's day. What a way to be greeted Happy Mother's Day!

To all mommies, nanays, mamas, inays or whatever you are being called; we may only be someone to a lot but for our kids we are everything (or at least during their younger years). So hug them always and let them know you care for them. And if you still have your Mom with you, don't forget to tell them how much you appreciate them.

Good Old Filipino Games

The months of April and May are synonymous to fiestas to us Filipinos. Fiestas nowadays appear to be more of a political fare than a religious one. A few decades back, these days are celebrated to thank God (or the barrio's patron saint) for a bountiful harvest and it is also a time for people to pray for a good rainy season for the next planting season. Nowadays, it has become an event for politicians to show off their faces on banners and to sponsor a lot of beauty pageants so their name will be mentioned on stage. Gone are the usual games and stuffs. Its as if it has been replaced by dance contests and gay pageants. This is the same reason why I got really surprised when last Easter Sunday, we saw a typical fiesta game that seems to have been forgotten.



Youngsters are climbing up a pole greased with well what else but grease to get their prize. And yes, since the pole had been greased it was really a hard way up. People viewing the game was telling that the game had been going on for hours and no one can even touch the top of the rope. Until this boy came.




Yes, it could be a hard way up but it was worth playing (and watching). Hmm, makes me wanna go to the province so i can enjoy viewing and perhaps playing more Filipino games like this. I even promised the kid that we will be playing sungka on my restdays. Care to join?

Osama Bin Laden Now a History

The death of Osama Bin Laden is all over the news. Even non-Americans are exalted about the event. Well, who could ever forget the tragedy that was 9/11. The thousands of victims who suffered an untimely death, just because one terrorist leader wants to send a signal that they should be frightened. Bin Laden's terrorist group the AlQaeda is said to be funding countless terrorist groups all over the world. They were also linked to a local terrorists group, the Abu Sayyaf. It is said that the Al Qaeda was funding the Abu Sayyaf. If there was something that we could thank for the death of Bin Laden, it would be that we get to see a peaceful world, at least for sometime. Why do I say for sometime? Let us take the fact that only Bin Laden is dead, he still have his followers. And let us hope that the followers will now have their spirits crushed that they would not think about a counter attack soon.

Mommy Moments: Black and White

"It's Black, It's White It's Tough For You To Get By". I've got MJ's best songs playing on my background as I write this. Nice; especially because this week's theme of Mommy Moments is Black and White. I would like to share these images from two special occassions last December.

These are taken during his school's foundation day last December. They danced to the tune of America's latest hiphop tunes. It's nice to see him really enjoy the day with his classmates.

These were taken during their first communion. He was having a really good time with his friends in school.



Wanna see more black and white images of kids and mommies, then head on to Mommy Moments of Mommy Chris.

Mommy Moments: Rainbow Colors

Today is a special day for catholics all over the world.  I was excited because this is the first time that we were able to do Visita Iglesia as a family.  We visited 14 churches yesterday and we had a great time.  Not only are we able to be awed by the beauty of these churches but we were also able to reflect on the true essence of the Holy Week as a family. As my entry for this week's Mommy Moments, I've chosen a photo taken from one of the churches yesterday.  This is one of my favorite amongst the churches (and one of the two guys favorite as well).  And it goes very well for today's theme which is Rainbow colors. This is the altar of Saint Joseph the Worker Church in San Jose Del Monte, Bulacan.  It was the first church among our itinerary.  We loved the look of the rainbow colored stained glass on the altar and the huge area outside the church.  It was also very solemn and quiet inside that you can only hear the chirping of the birds.  The kid was even asking if we could perhaps go to this church some other time and chances are we will be.

As for today, we just spent the day with each other cuddling and exchanging stories. 'Twas a very rare occassion indeed that the three of us spends time like this so I really enjoyed my two days off for this week. Something that I would not exchange even for 260% additional compensation for working on these days.

Happy Moments Mommies!

New Year's Feast...New Year Feat

Exactly eight days to go before Christmas and fifteen days before New Year, hubby and I are still debating on what to have on our table for the special occassion. I have been suggesting that we go for an all-Filipino feast for New Year, except for the addition of the Spagetti (which I am planning of Filipinizing as well). Hubby wants to have an Asian inspired feast on the other hand. He was even telling me that the Paella and the Leche Flan are not actually Filipino dish iin nature and that there are actually no such thing as authentic Filipino dish because dishes of the Philippines are actually a fusion. But since I do the marketing of the groceries and other stuff, he can't say "No." if I already have them on the pantry. I want an all Filipino menu because my two brothers who are from Singapore and Japan will be here. I know how hard it is to find authentic Pinoy dishes cooked the way it should be when you are far from home. Besides, it is only during this time that my brothers are here. So,here goes the menu for the New Year's Eve feast.


Appetizers:
Lumpiang Prito
Main Dishes:
Seafood Paella
Pork Hamonado
Pochero
Pancit Palabok
Herbed Chicken Inasal
Spagetti
Desserts:
Ube Halaya
Leche Plan
Sapin-sapin

For sure my younger brother who adores my mom's Dinuguan will be asking me to make my version of it and the other brother will be asking for Kare Kare. This means that I might spend most of my time in the kitchen before the countdown. For sure the New Year's feast will be a New Year's feat for me but I really don't care, as long as I can suffice their cravings. The smiles on their faces will be more than enough to repay the day's hardwork at the kitchen.

Planning for a Birthday Party

It´s already the month of July. We are already more than half way of the current year and this also means I have only one month to plan on my kid´s upcoming 7th birthday. No, it´s not going to be grand. I am actually planning on a do-it-yourself birthday party for him. I am now starting to think of a theme. He insists on having a Spongebob Party but he already have one on his 3rd. Hubby suggests a Transformers theme but it appears too hard to make a DIY birthday party with that theme.

I have been checking on some stuffs for the event. I already have plans on going to Divisoria to buy the supplies (like the balloons, the loot bags and perhaps the souvenirs). I have also spoken with my previous baking instructor for the cake. She is just waiting for the theme to finalize the cake design. Oh, one thing more, my son is asking for food carts but I think I will just assign one of my cousins to cook fishballs and cheese sticks during the party. Right now, what needs to be taken cared off will be the food for the adults who will be joining the kids on that day. My kumares are asking for Palabok. I am still thinking if I can cook it and still be able to entertain the guests on that day. Surely, it is going to be one tiring event to plan ,and to executebut if it is for my kid then everything is worth it.

Care to share any idea on preparing for a birthday party? If you can share me suppliers for DIY parties, I would really appreciate it.

My First Blog Award

My blog has been live since 2007 but this is actually the first time that I receive an award from a fellow blogger. I would like to express my gratitude to Mommy Tetcha of Pensive Thoughts for giving me my first blog award. I don't actually expect that someone thinks of my blog as lovely. Again, thanks so much, you don't know how much this means to me.

The rules are:
1) Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award and his or her blog link.
2) Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Now, ladies, it's your turn to give others a smile.

trust.loyalty.bliss
About a Boy
Smart Mommy
Make or Break
The Mommy Journey
Sweet Nothings
Her and His Story
A Woman Remembers
Denden
Josie's Window
Tadaima
Geisha Diaries
Bianing Diaries
Tales of the Domesticated Wife
One Proud Mom. One Proud Wife

We surpassed the Seven-Year Itch

Eight years ago, I made a decision. A decision that will greatly impact my life. Our wedding was not grandiose, 'twas actually very simple. It was not even what I can call my dream wedding. We don't have money but we have so much love for each other. That love is what still keeps the marriage in tact after eight loving years. I have not regretted taking on the step with Hubby. He never failed to hold on to his promises. In this times of divorces and annulments, swerte na maituturing ang umabot ng ganito katagal. We have already surpassed the seven-year itch. But we do have our own shares of ups and down. And yes, as any other wives does, there were times that I ask myself if I did the right decision on marrying him (especially at times when we tend to disagree over petty things). And yes, I always answered myself affirmatively. I just wish he also feels the same way (sumasagot sya! syempre naman daw!)

Today, I wanna thank him for keeping up with all my shortcomings. For being there especially during the lowest times in life. I know I couldn't have done taking care of my mom without him. I wish to spend not just eight more years but hopefully eighty-eight more years with him.


I love you Dada, and I will always will.