Twelve Lessons from our Twelve Years of Marriage

Being married for twelve years is not an easy feat, specially in today's world. I am proud that we surpassed all the shortcomings of the last twelve years. Twelve years ago we only have each other to hold on to, but now we have our son, and soon our daughter to see us through each day. Everyday is a chance to learn something in a marriage. I am glad to share twelve lessons we learned from our twelve year of being married.

1. The reason for marriage should always be because you cannot live without the other person. I always advise would-be-couples to ask themselves why they want to jump into marriage. Mostly, I hear the same response; "I love him/her.", seldom do I hear " I want to spend the rest of my life with him". Young lovers nowadays always equate marriage to love ALONE. But what if the love is gone? The Philippines does not have a divorce law, so they either go to the tedious and super-expensive annulment process or live a broken family. Love is not just a noun, it is a verb that needs to be acted on. It is a decision that needs to be done daily.

2. A marriage is the union of two very good forgivers. Early in our marriage, Hubby calls me a historian. Why? because I always bring back past misunderstandings when we argue on a new one. It was a good thing that Hubby is such a good forgiver and I learned to be like him over time.

3. You cannot always win in an argument. I have always been the hardheaded girl but soon in our marriage, I learned that there is just no way that you can always be the winner. Sometimes, you have to give in to your partner.

4. The person that you married will mature and so are you. But this does not mean that you can no longer be a child at heart. Both Hubby and I still enjoys the arcade, the occasional kiddie games with our son and even the carnivals. But there will come a time that you will see it in your partner's face that they had gone old, perhaps balding or with a few wrinkles here and there. Aging is a natural process, you just have to accept it and be happy with it because others are not given the ability to grow old because they die young.

5. You have to choose to love your spouse everyday even when in days that they are not lovable. Admit it or not, there are days that a person does not seem to be lovable. Talk about PMSing women or lying men. But again, love is a choice that needs to be made everyday. We have to choose to love them as they are, even at their most unlovable state.

6. Never underestimate the power of a hug. At the start of our marriage, Hubby is not the type who woo whenever we had an argument. But he learned that a hug can do wonders. Sometimes, I don't have to win an argument,all I need is just a hug and I will eventually give in to his desires.

7. Kids are always a happy addition to a marriage. A positive pregnancy test came in early in our marriage. We were both worried then but we were also extremely happy as we were not expecting a child to be added in our marriage this early. I know some married couple who does not want a child early on in their lives. Isn't procreation one of the purpose of marriage? A child will not only make your union happy but believe me, it will also strengthen your bond as you will get to see how your spouse will transform into someone you might not expect him to become.

8. For the wives: Sometimes, you will have to spoil your partner. Yeah, ladies, we have to be the spoiler sometimes and not the one always being spoiled. Men are easy to please, a back massage, a foot rub or just good old home cooked meals are enough to make them smile.

9. For the husbands: Never forget important dates. And with dates I mean, birthdays, anniversaries and special holidays that has to be remembered. We do not need grandiose gifts, just knowing that you remember those dates are more than enough to make us happy. A simple SMS, a call or perhaps an early morning greeting on that day will make it extra special for us.

10. Spend sometime alone. Sometimes, all you need to bring the romance back is a time alone with your spouse. You don't have to go to some fancy place, you just have to be together, just the two of you. Admittedly, for couples with chidren, we always look at our spouses as the better half of the parenting process and not as the person we exchanged vows with when we got married. A movie date, a dinner or just a walk on the park with your spouse alone will definitely spark the romance back to your union.

11. Compliment each other often.. Okay, this does not mean that you have to lie to your spouse. It's more on looking for something good in them and complimenting them even for the slightest good in them. This does not only make your spouse happy but it also makes you see the good in them, no matter how small they may seem.

12. Lastly, never forget to be sexually intimate with each other. This is a usual mistake of the wives. Early on in the marriage, we are so into each other but then time flies and we get too preoccupied with all the hullabaloos of the day-to-day lives that we forget intimacy with our spouses. Or perhaps the wives are too shy to start on being intimate. Just a tip though ladies, just dress the part and your husbands will definitely pick it up from there.

Our marriage is not something that merits a trophy or an award but we are taking it one day at a time. We do have our times of disagreements, times when we would want to call it quits but again at the end of the day, keeping a marriage in tact is a choice that we make daily.

Dada, Happy 12th wedding anniversary and here's to twelve dozens more of years together!