And then I am Sad Again

It's friday once again. I am usually excited about weekends, excited because I will be on my restdays the next two days. However, today is a different friday. Today reminds me of a different thing.

It was a week since I came to know that I was pregnant with what could have been our second baby. I was so excited last week that I have been posting it to most of the sites I frequently visit. We have been waiting for another baby since time in memoriam. However, it was on that same night that I felt a sudden pain on my left lower back. I was so afraid that I immediately rested when I went home that day. I went to bed and prayed so hard that nothing will happen bad to us. I was awaken by the icky feeling on my undies. As I pee, I noticed some blood stains on them as well. I asked my husband to buy another pregnancy test kit and I tested positive again. I immediately went to the nearest hospital and seek the hellp on an Obstetrician on Duty. I was scheduled to have an ultrasound, which confirmed there was indeed a gestational sac on my uterus. The sonologists it was five weeks old. I was advised to have complete bed rest and was made to take some medications which were meant to save the baby. I immediately went on a complete bed rest as told. It was on Sunday early morning however, when our house cat suddenly jumps from nowhere on our bed. I was awaken from sleep and felt the urge to go to the toilet. As I was peeing, I felt something dropped from me, it was like a lump of blood. I was not able to check it but my husband did. He said it was a blood clot. We went on to sleep again, but I just cannot. I was worried sick. That morning I asked Hubby to call on my OB. He was hesitant because it was a sunday. But then he saw me in tears. Doctor told hubby, I will be scheduled for another ultrasound just to make sure the gestational sac is still intact. I prayed hard on that day, even calling on my deceased mom to help me. The following day was a very long day for me. It was my 33rd birthday. Yes, it was my birthday when I heard the worst news that keeps on echoing on my mind till now. The baby was no longer there. I cried so hard hanggang sa halos Impit na lang ang pag iyak ko. Tuwing me tatawag at babati ng Happy Birthday, iiyakan ko lang sila. I don't exactlyknow how I will be able to move on. Pero pag nakikita ko ang panganay ko at si Hubby, I am reminded I still have them and I need to win the fight over depression, para sa kanila.

To date, I am trying to busy myself on almost anything that won't entail so much strength. I am trying to enjoy the vacation but I can't make a smile last on my face.

I just hope that everything will be fine In His Time.