Twelve Lessons from our Twelve Years of Marriage

Being married for twelve years is not an easy feat, specially in today's world. I am proud that we surpassed all the shortcomings of the last twelve years. Twelve years ago we only have each other to hold on to, but now we have our son, and soon our daughter to see us through each day. Everyday is a chance to learn something in a marriage. I am glad to share twelve lessons we learned from our twelve year of being married.

1. The reason for marriage should always be because you cannot live without the other person. I always advise would-be-couples to ask themselves why they want to jump into marriage. Mostly, I hear the same response; "I love him/her.", seldom do I hear " I want to spend the rest of my life with him". Young lovers nowadays always equate marriage to love ALONE. But what if the love is gone? The Philippines does not have a divorce law, so they either go to the tedious and super-expensive annulment process or live a broken family. Love is not just a noun, it is a verb that needs to be acted on. It is a decision that needs to be done daily.

2. A marriage is the union of two very good forgivers. Early in our marriage, Hubby calls me a historian. Why? because I always bring back past misunderstandings when we argue on a new one. It was a good thing that Hubby is such a good forgiver and I learned to be like him over time.

3. You cannot always win in an argument. I have always been the hardheaded girl but soon in our marriage, I learned that there is just no way that you can always be the winner. Sometimes, you have to give in to your partner.

4. The person that you married will mature and so are you. But this does not mean that you can no longer be a child at heart. Both Hubby and I still enjoys the arcade, the occasional kiddie games with our son and even the carnivals. But there will come a time that you will see it in your partner's face that they had gone old, perhaps balding or with a few wrinkles here and there. Aging is a natural process, you just have to accept it and be happy with it because others are not given the ability to grow old because they die young.

5. You have to choose to love your spouse everyday even when in days that they are not lovable. Admit it or not, there are days that a person does not seem to be lovable. Talk about PMSing women or lying men. But again, love is a choice that needs to be made everyday. We have to choose to love them as they are, even at their most unlovable state.

6. Never underestimate the power of a hug. At the start of our marriage, Hubby is not the type who woo whenever we had an argument. But he learned that a hug can do wonders. Sometimes, I don't have to win an argument,all I need is just a hug and I will eventually give in to his desires.

7. Kids are always a happy addition to a marriage. A positive pregnancy test came in early in our marriage. We were both worried then but we were also extremely happy as we were not expecting a child to be added in our marriage this early. I know some married couple who does not want a child early on in their lives. Isn't procreation one of the purpose of marriage? A child will not only make your union happy but believe me, it will also strengthen your bond as you will get to see how your spouse will transform into someone you might not expect him to become.

8. For the wives: Sometimes, you will have to spoil your partner. Yeah, ladies, we have to be the spoiler sometimes and not the one always being spoiled. Men are easy to please, a back massage, a foot rub or just good old home cooked meals are enough to make them smile.

9. For the husbands: Never forget important dates. And with dates I mean, birthdays, anniversaries and special holidays that has to be remembered. We do not need grandiose gifts, just knowing that you remember those dates are more than enough to make us happy. A simple SMS, a call or perhaps an early morning greeting on that day will make it extra special for us.

10. Spend sometime alone. Sometimes, all you need to bring the romance back is a time alone with your spouse. You don't have to go to some fancy place, you just have to be together, just the two of you. Admittedly, for couples with chidren, we always look at our spouses as the better half of the parenting process and not as the person we exchanged vows with when we got married. A movie date, a dinner or just a walk on the park with your spouse alone will definitely spark the romance back to your union.

11. Compliment each other often.. Okay, this does not mean that you have to lie to your spouse. It's more on looking for something good in them and complimenting them even for the slightest good in them. This does not only make your spouse happy but it also makes you see the good in them, no matter how small they may seem.

12. Lastly, never forget to be sexually intimate with each other. This is a usual mistake of the wives. Early on in the marriage, we are so into each other but then time flies and we get too preoccupied with all the hullabaloos of the day-to-day lives that we forget intimacy with our spouses. Or perhaps the wives are too shy to start on being intimate. Just a tip though ladies, just dress the part and your husbands will definitely pick it up from there.

Our marriage is not something that merits a trophy or an award but we are taking it one day at a time. We do have our times of disagreements, times when we would want to call it quits but again at the end of the day, keeping a marriage in tact is a choice that we make daily.

Dada, Happy 12th wedding anniversary and here's to twelve dozens more of years together!

Motherhood is a Happy Journey

When I got pregnant the first time, I was only 25 years old and was married for only six months. It was unexpected since I had been having irregular menses eversince I began having them. But God was really full of surprises, he sent us our firstborn the time that the family needs a bundle of joy because we found out that our Mom was suffering from a rare type of Cancer.

What's nice about my first encounter with mommyhood is that I have my Mom to guide me. She never fails to give me insights on how to deal with the roller-coaster ride of emotions a first-timer mom could ever imagine. Although she was not there to accompany me during my delivery, she ensures I am in good hands by helping me choose the hospital to deliver my firstborn.

Seven years after my firstborn, I experienced what could be the one of the worst experiences a mother could have, a miscarriage. I missed my Mom during those times because had she been alive, she could have comforted me more than anyone else because she herself knows the way I was feeling those time having experienced miscarriage for her supposed to be third child.

Now, that I am on my third pregnancy, I still miss her. I know she will be very happy for us especially since we are having a princess. She knows how much we wanted to have another child. Sadly though, she is not near me anymore. I miss all the foods she sends my way specially those that I craved for. But, eventhoug, she is no longer here with us, I am thankful because I have people around me who ensures I get to have a happy pregnancy. There's my husband whose such a dedicated father and he never misses all my OB-Gyn appointments. And since, my firstborn is already grown up, he takes care of me when his father is not around. It also helps a lot that I have lots of friends and relatives who never fails to lighten my mood or just sends a smile either via SMS or a call.

Happiness is really a choice that we have to choice for ourselves. And we have to do it everyday, preggy or not. At the end of the day, we are the ones who dictates the mood of our life. Afterall, we are the first ones that is affected by whatever choice we make.

Pregnancy and PUPPP

It has been more than two months since the last time that I shared something here. Forgive me, but I have been preoccupied with all the pregnancy related things that I have been experiencing. I had been suffering from pregnancy related rashes aptly called PUPPP (Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy).It was a monster of a rash. I could not sleep as the itchiness seems to attack during nighttime. To make it worst, summertime in the Philippines is equivalent to hot, humid weather which aggravates my case. Its a good thing that I found something that could at least give me some relief. I have asked my doctor if there is something that we can do about this but he said he can only give me something to at least lessen the itchiness, but nothing to make it stop or make the rash go away. I was so frustrated that I tried getting help from the net. I know that it is not a great idea as there are lots of unqualified information roaming on the internet. But I told myself that as long as it is something that would not have any chemicals with it, I will be willing to give it a go. And so I checked and checked each and every sites that talks about PUPPP. After days of research, I was able to find out that most westerners are relieved when they take an oatmeal bath. Now, there goes another problem, drugstores here does not sell oatmeal baths and we don't have a bath tub. So what I did was to grind about three cupfuls of oatmeal and put them in an old clean socks and then inflate a kiddie pool and soak myself in. It was a great relief just soaking there. I did this for about 5 times in a span of two weeks and the rashes seems to subside. It was also then that I was able to see a lotion made of oatmeal that is also paraben free. I immediately bought it and since then used it all over my body taking extra effort on massaging those that have the pesky rashes. I am still not rash-free. My doctor actually said that the rashes wil only go away after I have given birth. I will be on my 24th week tomorrow and I can say that at least now I can sleep through the night and smile on those maternity pictures that I love taking a lot.

Me and my firstborn soaking on his pool with our own oatmeal bath concoction