And then I am Sad Again

It's friday once again. I am usually excited about weekends, excited because I will be on my restdays the next two days. However, today is a different friday. Today reminds me of a different thing.

It was a week since I came to know that I was pregnant with what could have been our second baby. I was so excited last week that I have been posting it to most of the sites I frequently visit. We have been waiting for another baby since time in memoriam. However, it was on that same night that I felt a sudden pain on my left lower back. I was so afraid that I immediately rested when I went home that day. I went to bed and prayed so hard that nothing will happen bad to us. I was awaken by the icky feeling on my undies. As I pee, I noticed some blood stains on them as well. I asked my husband to buy another pregnancy test kit and I tested positive again. I immediately went to the nearest hospital and seek the hellp on an Obstetrician on Duty. I was scheduled to have an ultrasound, which confirmed there was indeed a gestational sac on my uterus. The sonologists it was five weeks old. I was advised to have complete bed rest and was made to take some medications which were meant to save the baby. I immediately went on a complete bed rest as told. It was on Sunday early morning however, when our house cat suddenly jumps from nowhere on our bed. I was awaken from sleep and felt the urge to go to the toilet. As I was peeing, I felt something dropped from me, it was like a lump of blood. I was not able to check it but my husband did. He said it was a blood clot. We went on to sleep again, but I just cannot. I was worried sick. That morning I asked Hubby to call on my OB. He was hesitant because it was a sunday. But then he saw me in tears. Doctor told hubby, I will be scheduled for another ultrasound just to make sure the gestational sac is still intact. I prayed hard on that day, even calling on my deceased mom to help me. The following day was a very long day for me. It was my 33rd birthday. Yes, it was my birthday when I heard the worst news that keeps on echoing on my mind till now. The baby was no longer there. I cried so hard hanggang sa halos Impit na lang ang pag iyak ko. Tuwing me tatawag at babati ng Happy Birthday, iiyakan ko lang sila. I don't exactlyknow how I will be able to move on. Pero pag nakikita ko ang panganay ko at si Hubby, I am reminded I still have them and I need to win the fight over depression, para sa kanila.

To date, I am trying to busy myself on almost anything that won't entail so much strength. I am trying to enjoy the vacation but I can't make a smile last on my face.

I just hope that everything will be fine In His Time.

The long wait is over

A few days from now, I will be celebrating my 33rd year here on Earth. As most of us, I have my birthday wishes as well. You see, I lost my mom, a few months back. On her wake, I have been trying to look ahead to this day. This is going to be my first birthday without her usual morning greeting. As in, kahit galit sya or masama ang loob nya sa akin, she never fails to greet me. I know I will no longer hear her greetings on my birthday but she sure has her way of sending me a birthday present from heaven. She visited my dreams a few day's back. I could not contain my joy as I hugged her tight, she just smiled her usual smile. And then she was gone, again. I was already happy when I woke up that day. I never really expected to receive any birthday present from her. Though as I can remember during her wake, someone told me that I can whisper her a wish and she will directly request it to God. I did whisper her something, but I know she knows what my heart is asking. Three days before my birthday, God already gave me the two lines that we have always been praying for. Yes, that's two lines for a positive pregnancy test. That is after three years of waiting.

My period was due nine days ago but it did not came. Thanks, Mom, for making sure I still have something to be happy about on my birthday. Thanks so much for giving the most wonderful birthday gift. God indeed answers prayers.

Oh, and would you believe me posibilidad na maging kabirthday ng Mama ko ang baby na ito pag nagkataon?!

Touched by an Angel

"Angel of God,
my guardian dear,
To whom God's love
commits me here,
Ever this day,
be at my side,
To light and guard,
Rule and guide.
Amen."

Have you been touched by an angel? I have been, just recently. I was cleaning our house last weekend and I was about to dispose old newspapers which are starting to file up on our living room. Tired as I was on that day, I wanted to take it real slow. I flipped through the pages of some old news items. I tell you, I am not the kind of person who reads a newspaper from cover to cover. Mostly I just read news that catch my attention. My attention was caught up by a story about a girl named Hannah Ysabelle Ordoviz. She is an angel born with a rare case of congenital breathing defect. According to the news, the condition is called Congenital Central Hypoventilation Syndrome (CCHS). It is a rare and lifetime condition characterized by one’s brain failing to signal the body to breathe. In her case, her brain stops the signal when she falls asleep.To keep her breathing, they need to attach her to a mechanical respirator which cost P750,000. Add to this the fact that she can never play at the park or even outside their house. If she needs to visit the hospital for her check ups, she needs to be taken to and from the house by an ambulance. Visiting her multiply site made me burst into tears(siguro dahil mommy na rin ako). I googled her up today and I found out that the respirator that she needs is already given by God! God really answers prayers. Sabagay, sa dami ng nagdadasal para sa anghel na ito, I am sure God will hear it and God will send what she needs.

Ako, ngayon ang hinihingi ko sa guardian angel ko sana ibulong nya kay God na gusto ko ng isang baby pa, at kundi kalabisan sana baby girl.

Ikaw, what is in your prayers? I don't know if there is any one out there reading my blog, but if you happen to read this (kahit sino ka man), please say a little prayer for Hannah Ysabelle at kung pede po pakisama na rin ang prayer ng family namin for another baby.

My Little Chef

Jian had always been vocal about what he wants to be when he grows up. He wants to become a chef. I know it was very unlikely to hear this kind of dreams from kids. Infact, I have not heard of any other kids who said he wants to cook when he grows up. But, true indeed, my little boy seems to have the inclination to food. He is just about to turn seven this August but he seems to enjoy cooking. Well, being a foodie runs in his blood, so to speak. Both Hubby and me enjoys great food and I came from a family whose lives revolves around food (read: matatakaw!, hehe).

Here are some of his photos while enjoying his own version of hotdog omelette.

Err, can't wait to taste it, hah?!

A Day in the Wild

Jian has always been tugging on us to go to the parks. Unlike kids of his age, he seems to enjoy the beauty (and heat!) of nature instead of the comfort being offered by the malls. Lucky for us, because these parks does not actually ask for a lot for entrance fees. It also is a great way of distressing from the daily hustle and bustle thing we called “work”. I thought that last saturday was not going to be different from all the other saturdays that we had. I normally wake up late and asks the same question, “Where are we gonna buy our groceries?”. Nagulat ako, kasi Jian replied “Ano kaya kung magpunta naman tayo sa park, antagal ko na kayang hindi nakakapunta sa park?”. Gusto kong sumagot na walang groceries sa park. I tried to convince him that it was not the right time to go there as the sun is about to shine its brightest and I don’t want us to be toasted and all. But then, pinanigan ng ama, kaya ayun natuloy din kami. . Add to this the fact that Apple, my cousin who stays with us, haven’t been to the Wildlife before. We boarded a public utility jeepney off to the Ninoy Aquino Parks and Wildlife at around 10amWe were greeted by the scorching heat of the sun when we arrived in Wildlife at around 11am. Walkathon na syempre ang drama naming lahat. They don’t seem to care about the heat (buti na lang we were able to apply sunblock lotions before we went out!).

Being in this park, makes memories come back.
Hah, this park seems to hold a special place in my heart. It was saddening to see that over the years, deterioration seems to take over the place.
The animals looked malnourished,and a lot of the structure which houses animals are dilapidated. Even the main administration building does not look properly taken cared off.

It is no longer possible to fish on the lagoon, nor to go boating. There was a nice part of the park which remains to be close and no one can answer how commoners can get there. I know that this park is a sanctuary for strayed wild animals but it appears that the whole place needs a lot of finances for make over. This reminds me the reason why even people from Class C & D crowds prefer to go to the mall even if its more costly.

On a lighter note, it is nice to see that the cleanliness of the park was maintained well enough. The flowering plants seems to be happy as shown in the abundance of the buds. Oh and I almost forgot to say, that we were not alone on that day. There are actually a lot of families and groups of young students on the park on that scorching saturday afternoon.

All in all, that day in the Wild was not a bad experience at all. As the pictures implied, we have a nice time under the heat of the sun.

I just wish that our government could do something about the “dying parks” so that the next generation Filipinos could still savor the beauty of the wild without having to pay much.